How do you prevent people from stealing the trashcans?

I am a humble trashcan. I stand on the curb week after week, quietly holding your leftovers, beer bottles, and half-eaten pizza. But I have a problem—people steal me. Yes, me. Last Tuesday, a man in a hoodie rolled me into his pickup before dawn. I didn’t even get a goodbye.

So, how do you prevent people from stealing the trashcans? I’ve done some heavy thinking (while waiting to be emptied). Here is my wisdom:

First, give me a heavy heart. Fill my bottom with a brick or a paver stone inside a sealed bag. I become a beast to lift—no one casually tosses a 50-pound bin into a car.

Second, paint my identity. Scratch your house number into my plastic skin or splash me with neon spray paint. Thieves hate recognizable property. One owner painted me bright purple with “Miss Piggy” on my side. I haven’t moved an inch since.

Third, chain me to something solid. A bike lock around my handle and a fence post makes me a co-star, not a star. Thieves want a quick grab, not a bolt cutter session.

Fourth, be a snitch. Join your neighborhood’s “Can Watch” group. We trashcans have eyes too—when everyone watches, nobody tangles. Post my photo on social media: “Have you seen this trashcan?” The shame alone deters.

Finally, earn my loyalty. When you rinse me out after spaghetti night, when you don’t overstuff my lid—I feel valued. A treated trashcan will roll back to your garage on its own. Literally. I did it last week.

So stop treating me like a disposable friend. Lock me, mark me, and love me. I’ll stay put, and your garbage will always have a home.